Nannies nurture and care for our babies while we work, ensuring that the kids have a good fulfilling growth and development as possible. However having a third party, in your home can get awkward because they bring a different personality and way of doing things other than your family’s ways.
There are always things you would prefer that your nanny does not do, or questions you don’t want to get from your nanny or rooms that you consider private or areas that you would want to remain private to you only. All these are areas you need to have boundaries with.
Unfortunately, these boundaries get broken off a lot if they were not set and communicated. As such you need a high level of professionalism from your nanny which depends on the working relationship you set with her on her first day at work. The boundaries ensure work professionalism,prevents tension, avoids disagreements, preserve your privacy, protect your home and your personal life.
Why Moms Need Professional Boundaries with Nanny
1. Ensures work Professionalism
A professional work relationship is important in nannies as it separates their work from meddling into your life. With boundaries a nanny will only stick to what you hired them for, to nurture and care for your child. It is one of the benefits of having work boundaries with your nanny.
2. Prevents Awkwardness and Tension
When the nanny is not sure of what to do or behave it can get awkward and create tension between you and her. No need to have tension in the house as it prevents her for doing her work. Rules and boundaries direct the nanny on her expected behaviors by outlining the do’s and don’ts around the house.
3. Avoid Crashes and Disagreements with your Nanny
If there are no guidelines on what to do and not what to do, you can crash a lot with your nanny. It may also lead to disagreements whereby you think your nanny has been in the wrong. With clear and communicated boundaries, the nanny knows her place and you are less likely to crash.
4. A Professional Work Relationship Ensures your Privacy
As the nanny is a third party to your home, you may want to keep some part of your life from her. You may hence want to keep her off some of the rooms such as your bedroom. As such you need boundaries on areas of the house that the nanny has access to.
5. Protects your Home
A nanny is a third party and should be treated as such. It is for work purposes as well as security purposes. You may have valuables that you would want to keep away from the nanny for security reasons. Therefore putting off access to these areas is important for security.
6. It Protects your Personal Life
Having access to your home is personal enough. However, it is important to limit the amount of personal information that your nanny has about you. Boundaries will create a line between what you can and can’t share with your nanny. By doing so, the nanny will not ask too personal questions.
Read: Building Trust with your new Care giver
Areas for Moms Must have Boundaries with Nanny
1. Limit Nanny Access to Rooms
Rooms are an important area to have boundaries on with your nanny. Decide which rooms in the house you are comfortable with nanny accessing and which one you are not. For instance, you may not be ok with the nanny going into your bedroom, communicate that. Some moms like to reinforce this by locking these rooms while they leave for work in the morning.
2. Limit Nanny Access to Information
Information is sensitive and you must limit what flows to your nanny as part of reinforcing boundaries. Decide which type of information the nanny has access to. Are you comfortable with nanny having your security system access codes? Your Wifi password? Your financial information? Etc. Always limit the amount of personal information that your nanny has access to.
3. Limit Nanny Working Hours
Decide when the role of nanny starts and stops which is a crucial part of a professional work relationship. The boundary apply when you and/or your partner are around. Let the nanny know if she should step down and have you handle the kids when you are around.
Is the nanny expected to calm the baby while you are there? E.g. do you handle the baby during dinner/lunchtime even if the nanny is around since it is family time? What are the nanny’s reporting and leaving time? How do you handle lateness?
4. Who Nanny can Allow/Bring to your Home
Decide who the nanny allows access to the house. Should she allow in people in your absence? Is she allowed to welcome your guests without your permission? Importantly can the nanny bring in her visitors, her friends, or even their kids to work?
5. Access to Entertainment
Decide what the nanny can and cannot do in terms of entertainment. Let the nanny know what is okay and what is not to do in the house. For instance, can the nanny entertain herself with the TV? Can she play some music? Does she get access to Wifi?
6. Set Nanny’s Professional Downtime
Entertainment is not a requirement and hence you need to set clear rules that align with a professional work relationship with your nanny. Generally entertainment is ok during the time when the baby naps.
Decide what you want the nanny to do during downtime while the baby naps. The time can be used in several ways. Should this time be used for resting/sleeping/personal time? Do you expect the nanny to clean up after the baby, or do some housekeeping?
7. Access to Food
Food can be quite a sensitive issue and hence one where you should have clear rules and boundaries. Decide if the nanny eats the family meals or brings her meals to the house. If she is allowed to eat, decide what she can eat and what she cannot eat? If this is not addressed, it can result in a lot of awkwardness for the nanny and you as well.
8.Set Rules on Personal Privacy
Decide how close you want to bring your nanny to your family. Where can the nanny take the kids outside from home? Can the nanny have dinner with you? Can they go out with you as a family? What areas of personal life can they ask about? Etc.
Read: Preparing for Nanny’s First Day
Rules for Setting Nanny Boundaries
1. Structure your Nanny Relationship from the Start
Ensure that you set everything straight from the word go. It is easier to ensure a professional relationship from the beginning than trying to mend and fix things as they break along the way. Do not wait until an issue has emerged for you to address it.
Create clear rules and boundaries and cover them during the nanny trial for the nanny to be aware of what is expected of her and her work. Also, it will help her decide if the job is the right fit for her.
Read: How to Conduct Effective Nanny Trials
2. Treat your Nanny as an Employee, not as a Family
Most hiring moms tend to treat their nanny as part of their family. Even though the job that they do for your family is sensitive and they may feel like part of your family, they are not and you should not treat them as such if you want a professional nanny.
Treating them as a family may result in disrespect and a poor work relationship with no boundaries. Treat your nanny as an esteemed and valued employee rather than family. Doing so reduces any entitlement issues that may come up and compromise professionalism in your relationship.
Read: Should you Allow your Nanny to Bring her Child at Work
3. Use a Typical Management Approach
Nannying is a professional job like any other professional office job out there. Nannies are expected to behave professionally as they are employees, under contract. As the mom, you are the boss and she is your employee hence you should handle cases from that perspective.
Be formal just like how any other formal employer would be. You are paying her to deliver as per the contract and hence any contrary behavior should have unbiased repercussions.
4. Fix Emerging Boundary Issues on the Spot
If at any given point there is a newly emerging issue with your nanny, related to boundaries handle it on the spot. Ensure that you spot handle anything about the nanny that is making you uncomfortable.
Do not wait to see if the issue will resolve itself or if the nanny will repeat the same mistake. It communicates the wrong message that you are okay with the particular issue.
Allowing this may have a slippery slope effect where one issue will lead to more others with time and before you realize it, you are deep in issues with the nanny that you never handled. Never entertain issues with the hope that they will not be repeated.
Read: Reasons to Fire your newly Hired Nanny
5. Set up Regular Feedback Sessions with your Nanny
Make a point of reviewing and evaluating your relationship with the nanny. Then conduct feedback sessions where you communicate both compliments and any issues you have. Use the sandwich approach to shut down any unwelcoming behavior gently and kindly in a mutually non-embarrassing way. Also use this time to address areas of your rules and boundaries that you need to change, emphasize or clarify.
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