Housework is one of those basic home chores that everyone detests. Also, it can be very tiring and time-consuming depending on the magnitude. While it may not appear so to other people, house chores take up most of the time and energy of the people doing them.
Also it may be more manageable for women who are STAY AT HOME MOMS and currently not working, but it is harder for career women working on a day job and later doing the house chores.
As such these women will find that housework is occupying a large part of their personal lives and time. In fact, too much housework after work at the office is one of the major reasons cited by working women as taking much of their time and personal space.
There is a lot of expectations placed on women especially regarding house chores. Women are expected (which should not be the case) to handle their day jobs and the house chores of their homes after that. You will hence find these women overly tired and stressed as they have to switch to full gear back at the house after their day job.
Some women are lucky to have their partners help but most are not. Yet at this age and time, house chores ARE the obligation of both partners and NOT the work of the woman.
In this post, we will look at the different ways in which this situation may affect you. Further, we will dive into details of the options you have if your partner is not helping with the house chores, YET!
In this post
How to Get your Husband to Help
Practice Better Time Management
How too Much Housework Affects Working Moms
1. Physical Exhaustion
When you are doing any task, the toil eventually shows and in the case of house chores, the effects are more explicit because of the magnitude and nature of the chores. Too much housework leads to exhaustion.
When you get no help, you end up more exhausted and fatigued, considering that you have been working earlier at your workplace. Your body becomes drained day in day out because of the weight of the house chores.
Read: How to Avoid Fatigue and Recover from Burnout
2. Too Much Housework leads to Poor Health
Eventually dealing with house chores alone affects your health when the strain is sustained over a long period. In addition, you may suffer psychologically and mentally. Just like your body, your mind gets tired too.You may also have problems sleeping, whereby lack of enough will affect your physical and mental health.
3. Poor Performance at Work
Also, handling too much housework with no help from your partner may end up affecting your performance at your job or your business if you are self-employed. You may not be as productive and relational as is needed for optimal work performance.
Also overworking will lessen the effectiveness of the chores you do at home after work as you need to also focus and concentrate.
4. Poor Self Care Habits
As work takes up most of your time, you will have little or no time to yourself. You may hence be unable to do any self-care habits to nourish and take care of yourself. You find that the needs of other people (family and partner) overtake and take the place of your own priorities.
5. Leads to Poor Social Relations
Also, your social relations become weak given that you become more irritable and unfriendly as you are drained emotionally. You rarely get time to spend with your friends other than your colleagues and family.
Your relationship with your partner will likely bear the heaviest blow. The lack of help and support from your partner will leave you resentful, creating tension and fights within the marriage.
Read: Top Services all Working Moms should Outsource
Expert Advice for working Moms with Too Much Housework
Seeing how much lack of help with house chores is affecting almost all spheres of your life, you then realize that there is a need for a change. As both of you and your partner are working, house chores ARE the obligation of both of you and NOT your work .
Husbands are supposed to help around the house as much as the women. You hence deserve rest, enough sleep, and replenishment like the one your partner gets while you are working the house chores. You need the space , some “me time”, a nice bath, a nice meal, and a nice night’s sleep, just like your husband.
And this is achievable if you are relieved or helped with the house chores that tend to occupy your time and space every day. You cannot be the one making dinner, bathing the kids, and vacuuming the house all by yourself while your husband rests.
So what do you do when your husband won’t help around the house?
1. Employ a House Help – Expert Advice
The situation may become more complicated if your husband outright refuses to help. Others get mad when asked to help around the house, leading to fights that have led to divorce over household chores.
However, you can still save yourself and the relationship. If you and your partner are both working and can afford it, then it is advisable to get help. This may not be an option to most people because of the financial implications involved but if you can afford it, go forth and hire a house help.
A house help will ensure that your house matters are in order and all house chores are taken care of always. You, therefore, need not worry about any more work after a long tiring day at work. As a bonus, both you and your partner will be able to have time for each other as well as space, rest, sleep, and replenishment for the next day.
When it comes to house helps, you have different options you can go for depending on your particular needs and circumstances. For instance, you can get a day burg that comes to your house in the morning and leaves in the evening. The help will ensure that all house chores are done by evening. However, you will need to do any more work there is after their shift is over.
Optionally you may have one that lives with you. A live-in help is more convenient and more available to you. This is especially important if you need to work odd hours such as staying late at the office.
Read: How to Find Quality Child Care Help
2. Practice Better Time Management
If you are unable to employ help because of finances or other reasons, then you can relieve the pressure on yourself by better organizing your time and work to ensure that you are not overwhelmed. These tips will help you save some precious time for yourself;
- Prioritize daily tasks by importance and tackle them in that order
- Schedule certain tasks for certain days only e.g. washing clothes thrice a week
- Use the weekends to eliminate any backlog in accumulated housework
- Combine errands to save time e.g. picking mail and doing shopping as you pick up the kids
- Bulk up your tasks e.g. do grocery shopping once a week, make bulk food and freeze in portions etc
- Invest in machines e.g. washing machine, dishwasher, vacuum machine, etc. to save time and energy
By doing the above you will find that you can save yourself a lot of energy and time on these chores and have more time for yourself to rest.
Read: Efficient Time Management Hacks for Moms Working Night Shift
3. Get your Husband to Help with House Chores
The obvious solution to this problem is getting help with the work. If you currently do not have house help, the first option is the people living with you. This could be your siblings, other extended family living with you, AND your husband. If possible ,all adults living with you must chip on their share of work to ease the pressure on you and everyone else. Communicate with them what each needs to do on daily basis to ensure that all housework is handled by end of the day.
If you only live with your partner and children, then he is the most logical help in this case. Husbands helping with the house chores has been a contentious issue and attracted controversy of varying opinions. Despite it all, husbands can and need to do house chores along with their wives. However, a majority of men are unwilling to help their women with housework, despite both working day jobs. Many working women complain about how their husbands coming home from work and doing nothing. These men sit, relax and watch as their women labor with the chores.
While it can be understood that the man may be exhausted from work, remember you as the woman is equally exhausted. It is then only then fair that each equally handles what needs to be done in the house. The woman can prepare dinner as the man cleans dishes; the woman can bath the kids, as the man mops the house, etc. Helping out in the house does not make a man less a man. It is more honorable and admirable when a man helps his wife out with the housework. This shows that he is caring and mindful of her needs.
Nonetheless getting the men to help with house chores has been the major area challenging most working women. It is hard getting the husband to do chores without nagging. If your partner is helping out with some chores but you need him to do more, then this may a little easier but how can you get him to do more housework?
First, acknowledge the help that he is already providing and talk to him about how necessary it is that he does more. Use positive encouragement rather than complaints or giving ultimatums. Don’t insist on him doing them your way or on your schedule as this comes across as nagging. Nonetheless, it is important to stress the need of getting the task done in time.
Most other men outright refuse to partake in any housework, labeling it as the woman’s work. They just do not want to do anything. Most come from cultures and have learnt gender stereotyping that discourages men from housework. Others may be willing to help out but needs persuading.
Getting your husband to help with housework will hence depend on your particular situation and relation with your partner. Importantly, how you talk to your partner about housework may make all the difference to whether he agrees or not.
Read: How to Achieve a Realistic 50-50 House Chores Split with Husband
5 Secrets of Easily Getting your Husband to Help in House Chores
A. Being Logical with your Husband
While you are entitled to help, approach the matter more reasonably and logically rather than be demanding and threatening. You can start by helping your partner understand the need for his help seeing the amount of work there is and how it is too much for you.
B. Shows how House Work Impacts your Relationship
You may need to show that doing all the work not only affects you but your relationship as well. If your husband cares for your needs then he will be convinced.
C. Be Moderate in Asking for Help
Start moderately by asking him to help out in some areas of work in the house. Gradually sit down and plan how you will divide up the tasks so that no partner is handling too much work. You can make a list of household responsibilities and divide it up among yourselves.
D. Use Clear Communication in Requesting Help
Be clear and intentional in your communication. Don’t make hints or insulate about needing help. Make it clear in your communication that you need help.
E. Get Professional Help
Talk to your family therapist about the issue. Having an unbiased second opinion may be more persuading to your partner on the importance of him helping in the house. A therapist will address any concerns your partner may have and dissipate his fears.
Last Word!
House chores will always be there at home. There will always be something needing to be done here or there. If your husband won’t help and you can’t afford house help then some of it can wait.
Prioritize your needs too as you do those of your family and partner. After all, you are less helpful to them when all tired, sick, and grumpy. Do what you can do and leave the rest for another day. Ensure you eat well, rest, and get enough sleep every day as you need it for the next day.
Never beat yourself up for not finishing all the work today , as there’s always tomorrow. Remember you can only do so much in a day. Don’t let house chores occupy and take so much of your life and space.
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