Before getting a second child, some mothers find it hard, with the main concern being how to emotionally balance two babies, especially after becoming attached to the first. When we received our first child, my husband and I were excited, mesmerized, love-struck and every other feeling that comes with welcoming a first child.
She got all the love and attention any child could get from her parents. One year down into parenthood, we discussed family planning and when we should try for a second child. We both seemed to want the time to be further away as possible.
However, we settled for a three-year difference and sure the time came. With it came fear, and doubts about adding another child into our family. We were going through an emotional roller coaster from feeling excited to downright guilt from expecting a second baby.
Am sure there are other mothers out there feeling the same. We all have those doubts about whether we have what it takes emotionally to have another child. While I got assurances, I still experienced these feelings.
Within a few months into our pregnancy, however, I managed to prepare myself emotionally for the child and calmed down my fears. You can equally get ready emotionally for another child by calming down your fears and getting over the guilt, enabled by exploring the benefits that a second child brings along.
Tips to Emotionally Prepare for a Second Baby
1. Calm Down and Address Your Fears
The topmost fear for all mothers expecting their second-born is whether they will be able to love their second child equally as their first. All firstborn children steal away all the love and attention there is from the parents.
With the possibility of another child, a parent becomes unsure of how they can possibly love a second child as equally as the first. Many feel that they will most likely love their second-born less than their firstborn. In my case, I could not fathom how we will love and care for another being as we did for our first.
To overcome this fear and prepare for your second baby, you need to affirm yourself that you are capable. I know the fears you are experiencing are quite normal but on the other hand, you shall find out later that you had no reason to worry at all.
You will specially love your child as you did your first. You will hold your newest arrival in your hands and you will be filled with the most unconditional love for that child. In fact every child you will bear is unique and each will command his/her share of love from you as a parent. I promise you that it will be beautiful and perfect and it will happen so effortlessly.
Therefore be deliberate about having the same excitement about the second or third child just as you did with your first child. Many get scared that they may not cherish the pregnancy as they did their first. You may now be more knowledgeable but you will experience every journey as unique.
Read : How a Small Child Gap may Affect your Career
2. Don’t Feel Guilty for Wanting Another Child
Before getting a second child, some mothers are filled with guilt of the possibilities of denying their firstborn child of unconditional love. Firstborn babies often enjoy the love and attention of parents for a while and it feels like the possibility of another baby threats this status.
The guilt is made harder by the special bond you have between you as a mother and your firstborn baby, making you feel like you are subjecting your lovely child to have to now share everything including love.
Let’s acknowledge that always there will be a special bond between the mother and the first child that is unlikely to be replaced. However, this should not be a source of guilt for wanting a second child.
You need to assure yourself that a second baby is a not threat to your first. You will not be required to share the love anyhow. You will love each child fully and individually. In fact, your love will multiply as you explore your newest little love.
Rest assured that once the second baby arrives, everything will fall into place. Your heart will adjust and accommodate the demands of love, time, attention and sacrifice for all your children in their individual and special way.
Read: How to Deal with Mom Shaming
3. Explore the Benefits of a Second Baby
As guilty as you may be feeling, you will be surprised to learn there is more to be gained for both you and your firstborn than you are willing to see now. A second child will make everyone happier. Your family will enjoy a more loving setup as your second baby changes everyone for the better.
You will be glad to learn that the adjustment period for your first baby and your entire family is brief. With time you will find a comfortable and easy routine that works for everyone including your partner. You will enjoy parenting and soon consider having a third child.
You may have wondered how the first child will be affected or how he/she will take the arrival of another baby or even adjust to having a sibling. Are there chances that your relationship with your first baby will be affected?
Chances are you will still have a healthy relationship as babies react positively to sharing attention and love with the siblings. Think of how having a sibling benefits your baby by having a baby to play with, care for, protect and importantly grow up with.
Keep a journal of your second and subsequent pregnancy and parenthood just like your first. Capture and keep all memories of your milestones and celebrate them uniquely just like you did with your first child.
Last Word
Getting emotionally ready for another child should be on your checklist of getting ready. It will help you make peace with your choices and give your pregnancy and child the love they deserve. You may have a special bond with your first but remember your second child’s journey is unique and special too.
Your feelings are relatable, understandable and justified and not to be belittled. I wish for your calmness and trust in the powers of the creator. If God can get you through the journey of your child parenthood, he sure can give you energy and love to care for a second born and many more. You are empowered and have what it takes.
Related Articles
How to Prepare for a Second Child Financially and Physically
How to Deal with Pregnancy Discrimination at Work
