It is expected that not everyone will approve of you working when you are a mom. Society has conditioned people to think that working moms are poor parents and need to make better family-oriented choices. When people don’t agree with moms working while someone else is caring for their baby, they shame the mom.
The shaming will mostly come in form of comments or remarks or statements referring to how irresponsible one is a mother to be working instead of staying home to care for the kids. It can come from random strangers, friends, co-workers, or acquaintances.
Working moms are shamed for time, parental attention/influence, and priorities because they spend too much time at work, give their children inadequate attention and choosing their careers over family.
A working mom needs support and encouragement but this does not happen all the time. Do not let the mom shaming get to you, build confidence in your abilities, known your truth and stand by it, rely on your support system, and focus on the outcome to handle and respond to mom shaming that comes your way.
Why The Society Shames Working Moms
1. Spending Too Much At Work
Some careers and employers are very demanding of their employees in terms of time. Some industries such as retailing and service will have very odd working hours and shifts for their workers. As such one is required to report very early and clock out very late.
Chances then are that most moms will only have an hour or so with their babies every day if they are lucky. As such this becomes a reason for people especially stay-at-home moms to shame working moms for spending so much working than parenting.
Read: Benefits of Working for Moms
2. Giving Inadequate Attention to their Children
A direct result of working moms having too little time away from work leads to another problem of giving inadequate parental attention to their babies. By spending little time with the baby, a working mom is likely to miss key milestones, birthdays, and making a memory with their kids.
As such the parental influence and impact of working moms on the child is minimal and overtaken by the primary caregiver. Also, too little time affects bonding and the parent-child relationship. For this, working moms are admonished and shamed.
3. Shamed for Choosing Career Over Family
Naturally, women are caring and nurturing, more so to their families. They are hence picked by society as the natural caregivers and family caretakers. As such it is seen as more proper for the man to work and the woman to stay home and mind the family needs.
When a working mom choose to instead leave home duties for work , it is interpreted as choosing one’s career over family. Some people honestly can’t imagine why women are working when their only place is at home. Further, a working mom has to leave the child in the care of someone else at one given point.
All these choices are seen as choosing career over family. Many are asked nasty questions as to why they bore children if they were going to have some else raise them.
Read: The Big Question: Career or Family?
5 Effective Responses to Overcome Mom Shaming
1. Don’t Allow Mom Guilt Get To You
Don’t let the shaming make you feel judged, guilty, and condemned for wanting your two important worlds to thrive. It does not make you less of a mom when you are with the baby half of the time and with some else half of the other time.
You still love your kids and family as equally as the stay-at-home moms who spend their entire time with their kids. Therefore there is no need to be embarrassed about your working mom’s situation. When you know this truth and stand by it, you will know how to respond to cases of mom shaming that come your way.
The worst thing that you can do to yourself as working mom is to let the mom guilt get to you. Yes the remarks and comments will be nasty and downright offending but stick to your guard.
It’s ok to feel bad about the situation but only pity their ignorance, not yourself. Others do not know your situation more than you do. You know yourself better and what you are doing both for your kids and your family despite being a working mom.
Read: How to deal with Working Mom Guilt
2. Build Your Confidence in Your Abilities
Have confidence in what you do both as a career woman and a parent. As a working mom, you are wearing two caps and two identities which you must defend daily. You can only do so when you are confident that you are excellent in both.
Tell yourself every day that you are a great professional and a great mom. Affirm to yourself you are valued and considered a worthy asset in both worlds.
Know that your duties and skills are valued at your workplace, and also that your family and kids are thrilled to have you as their mom. With this kind of attitude, no single remark on working mom shaming will likely get you down.
Focus on building yourself to be the best version of yourself every day and not what others think you need to be. Remember it’s not your business what other people think. It one of the important thing you will do when people attack you for working and leaving your child at home at the care of other people.
3. Know Your Truth And Stand By It
An effective way of dealing with and overcoming the guilt of being a working mom is by knowing your truth and sticking to it. It’s funny that most people trying to put working moms down are often mere strangers or co-workers or simply acquaintances who know nothing much about your life.
Unfortunately these are the people who are likely to attack you for working and leaving your child. They do not know how much of an effort you put every day to show up for work and also show up in the evening for your child and family.
Working women are carrying such a heavy burden due to pressures and demands from work and home that only other working moms would understand. Anyone who has not walked in your shoes would not understand the strains and challenges that you go unimaginable lengths to solve just so you can maintain your career and your family.
Hence your truth in this case will be your main guard against cases of mom shaming. It is your truth and you should stand by it. You know you are doing the best for your kids every day and no one needs that explanation. When you know your truth, working mom-shaming will merely leave no impact on you.
4. Rely On Your Support System
Working moms are strong and incredible yes but also human, and do need support. Family members, close friends, close colleagues, and your partner are important elements of your support system.
It is very important to share with this circle any experiences you have that may be weighing you down about being shamed for working as a mom. Share as much you want about a certain incidence, or comment or remark or whatever that had you feeling a type of way.
The outlet is one of the important things you should do when you feel overwhelmed by mom shaming attacks. The circle reassurances will refill your confidence and have you feeling great again. Their strength and belief in you will keep you going despite the shaming.
5. Focus On The Outcome of your Work life Balance
The truth is, working is fulfilling but if we are all given the choice not many would still do it. The reality of this contemporary world is that most households cannot be sustained on one income from one partner. As such both, the dad and the mom have to work to meet their needs and the rising cost of demands.
In addition, there are many single moms out there only relying on their single income, and as such working is no choice but a necessity for survival. We all need to sustain ourselves.
Therefore don’t be put down by shaming while you trying to get a roof over your kids’ heads and food on the table. Focus on such outcomes and also how you achieve a better outlook and perspective on life from working. You could not survive by staying at home and not working as there would be no income. Do not even think of quitting become some people think you should be raising your children instead.
Further, the balance of working and parenting helps you achieve a stable mental state. Your kids also benefit from having other people love and care for them. Derive joy in that all is not for vain and that you are achieving the goals that you set for yourself.
Also, consider yourself a role model and see the example you are setting for your kids especially daughters about the need for work and self sustenance. All these good benefits of working should encourage you to keep pushing and ignore working mom shaming.
