From history, our society has always been hard on women who work. The results are feelings of guilt. For a long time, women had to fight hard for a place in education, leadership and the workplace, because the society felt their place was elsewhere.
Even as society gradually started embracing working women, society has directed discrimination to mothers who continued working. Now mothers are ridiculed and shamed for being working moms as opposed to staying at home and bringing up children.
Is it bad to be a working mom? I would bet no.
But we pay such a high cost of being working women. We are discriminated against and shunned mostly by our friends, colleagues and even some family members. In fact, the motherhood penalty and discrimination are some of the major challenges and problems faced by working moms.
As a working mum, am sure at some point you have had to deal with cruel comments about you working that maybe feel guilty about working. At some times you feel hard-pressed to choose between career and family. Such comments and thoughts make you feel ashamed for choosing to continue with your career even as you bring up your children.
The good news is that there are various tactics you can choose to get away from guilt over working and put this situation behind you. Yes, you can excel in your career and still be a great mother just like a stay at home mom. Read here how.
Are you wondering how you can stop feeling this guilt? All you need to learn how to let go and get over the working mom guilt completely. Read further on how you ignore the backlashing and over the guilt over working as a mom.
In this post…
Establish Core Parenting and Family Values
Simple Proven Tips on How to Overcome Mom Shaming
1. Understand There is No Guilt and Shame in Work
I remember I hated leaving my baby to go to work the first few days after my maternity leave was over. I would be filled with guilt and shame for leaving my three-month toddler so early for work. With time though I got the hang of it and established my balance. I let go of the working mom guilt.
I also learnt that foremost, there is no shame in work. This understanding is crucial in helping you get over the guilt of working. By all means, dear working mom, do not beat yourself up even when expectations have been placed on you to be a 100% mother.
Whether you are running your own business or are employed, do not feel guilty or ashamed for leaving your babies behind to work. Being both a mother and a professional are all parts of you. You wear these different hats that all make you complete and who you are all.
A “complete you” is a well, healthy and happy you. So start by making peace with your choices from within. This will give you the confidence and focus to give motherhood and career your best shot. By doing so you will get over the guilt of being a working mom.
It is by only reaching this space with your choices that you will realize you can succeed in balancing your work and your family commitments. Feeling guilt will only constantly make you feel like a failure and a bad mother which you are not. Get over this guilt.
Read: Benefits of Working to a Mom
2. Establish Core Parenting and Family Values- an Expert Tip
Working mothers don’t harm their families. This stereotype is all wrong so stop feeling guilty as a parent for working instead of caring for your family fulltime. While I agree that presence is paramount in bringing up children and successful marriage, quality appeals more than quantity.
It does not matter how many hours you may spend at home if those hours were not quality hours spent with your babies or partner. It all boils down to your parenting values. You can still have adequate impact and presence on your children while still working.
You can say for instance that you will always lead your family in prayer, read bedtime stories for your children and put them to bed, and help them with homework among others. I have seen working moms who had better family relationships than stay at home moms. No study has either proven that stays at home moms are happier than working moms. We all try in different ways.
Read: How to Balance Work and Family
You can still instil good morals in your children by what you show to them, what you tell them, what you do with them and what you do to them. Therefore establish what is important to you as a parent and establish core values you must follow to match your parenting style. Doing so will help you let go of the working mom guilt.
In fact, create for you the most effective style of parenting that aligns with your time and commitments. A perfect parenting style that fits your family will help you overcome the guilt that working moms feel over working. You can get over the feeling of guilt for working by ensuring you purpose on being the best parent to your child.
You must set yourself as the role model for your children in whatever you do, even within the little time you have with them. You are capable of doing this by always setting family apart from work by keeping all nights, weekends and holidays exclusively for your family.
These moments will have more impact than just a mere presence in the house. In fact, emotional presence is more appreciated than physical presence. If you become emotionally connected and available to your partner and your children you are already excelling.
3. Develop a Solid Circle of Support – a Tested Approach
Having a strong support system is one of the important things you can do to avoid feeling guilt over the guilt of working. Of course, not everyone will approve of your work choices as a working mom. Some of your friends will disapprove of you working, especially because they may not be working themselves. But do not let this dissuade you.
I know of a mom who lost most of her stay at home friends when she decided to resume working after two years of staying at home. Even some of your family members may dislike that you are leaving your children with nannies and choosing a career instead. Some colleagues at work will start treating you different when you come back from maternity leave.
Well like they said it is hard to please everybody. Don’t let their disapproval matter and you will be able to let go of the working mom guilt. At moments when you are feeling guilt of working, it will be important to only keep a supportive network around you. The support circle helps you stop feeling guilty over working. Hopefully, your partner will be on your side.
- Cut off people that only try to put you down and disapprove of your work. This includes your contacts, people you follow online & social media and the social groups you are in.
- Don’t be apologetic as you have every right to protect your mental space from negativities.
- Only keep close like-minded and supportive people that will assist you in your career journey.
- Find a support group of other working women and you will great to learn you are not alone despite these challenges.
- Also, talk to your therapist if you are feeling overwhelmed.
Read: Why you Should Ask your Family and Friends for Help in Childcare
4. Learn and Improve Every Day
Last but least, life is a learning journey. You evolved from who you were to a working married mom. You cant feel guilt over this. You then need to equip yourself on how to adjust to these changes, more so on being a working mom. You should not harbour guilt feelings of working for long, you should evolve and let go the feelings of working mom guilt.
As they say, every day is a learning day. There is so much you can learn and improve daily to become a better working mom. By doing so , you build confidence in your work and who you are hence discard the feelings of guilt over working.
You can successfully cope and succeed being a working mom by developing yourself in parenthood and marriage the same you develop yourself in your career. Some things you can do include;
- Do not be rigid on one routine, approach and schedule but open yourself up to learning and trying out new things.
- Read books on parenthood and attend parenting workshops and training among others.
- As you invest in your career through courses and other training, invest in your family relationship too.
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