For a long time, women had to fight hard for a place in education, leadership and the workplace, because the society felt their place was elsewhere.Our society has always been hard on women who work and this results into feelings of guilt.
Motherhood penalty and discrimination are some of the major challenges and problems faced by working moms. Mothers are ridiculed and shamed for being working moms as opposed to staying at home and bringing up children. At some times you feel hard-pressed to choose between career and family.
But it is not bad to be a working mom. Yes, you can excel in your career and still be a great mother just like a stay at home mom. Read here how.
You can overcome this by learning to let go and get over the guilt completely. Understand that there is no shame in work, establish core parenting values, surround yourself with a solid support system, learn and improve everyday,
Simple Tips on How to Overcome Mom Shaming
1. Understand There is No Guilt and Shame in Work
I remember I hated leaving my baby to go to work the first few days after my maternity leave was over. I would be filled with guilt and shame for leaving behind my three-month toddler so early for work. With time though I got the hang of it and established my balance.
I learnt that foremost, there is no shame in work. This understanding is crucial in helping you get over the guilt of working. By all means, dear working mom, do not beat yourself up even when expectations have been placed on you to be a 100% mother.
Whether you are running your own business or are employed, do not feel guilty or ashamed for leaving your babies behind to work. Being both a mother and a professional are all parts of you. You wear these different hats that all make you complete and who you are all.
A “complete you” is a well, healthy and happy you. So start by making peace with your choices from within. This will give you the confidence and focus to give motherhood and career your best shot.
It is by only reaching this space with your choices that you will realize you can succeed in balancing your work and your family commitments. Feeling guilt will only constantly make you feel like a failure and a bad mother which you are not. Get over this guilt.
Read: Benefits of Working to a Mom
2. Establish Core Parenting and Family Values
I agree that presence is paramount in bringing up children and successful marriage, quality appeals more than quantity. But the stereotype that working mothers harm their families is false and wrong.
You can still have adequate impact and presence on your children while still working. It all boils down to your parenting values. It does not matter how many hours you may spend at home if those hours were not quality hours spent with your babies or partner.
These moments will have more impact than just a mere presence in the house. In fact, emotional presence is more appreciated than physical presence. If you become emotionally connected and available to your partner and your children you are already excelling.
You can say for instance that you will always lead your family in prayer, read bedtime stories for your children and put them to bed, and help them with homework among others. I have seen working moms who had better family relationships than stay at home moms. No study has either proven that stay at home moms are happier than working moms.
You can still instill good morals in your children by what you show to them, what you tell them, what you do with them and what you do to them. Therefore establish what is important to you as a parent and establish core values you must follow to match your parenting style. Doing so will help you let go of the working mom guilt.
In fact, create for you the most effective style of parenting that aligns with your time and commitments. A perfect parenting style that fits your family will help you overcome the guilt that working moms feel over working. Ensure you purpose on being the best parent to your child.
You must set yourself as the role model for your children in whatever you do, even within the little time you have with them. You are capable of doing this by always setting family apart from work by keeping all nights, weekends and holidays exclusively for your family.
3. Develop a Solid Support System
Having a strong support system is one of the important things you can do to avoid feeling guilty over working. Of course, not everyone will approve of your work choices as a working mom. Some of your friends will disapprove of you working, especially because they may not be working themselves.
I know of a mom who lost most of her stay at home friends when she decided to resume working after two years of staying at home. Even some of your family members may dislike that you are leaving your children with nannies and choosing a career instead. Some colleagues at work will start treating you different when you come back from maternity leave.
Don’t let their disapproval matter. At such moments, it will be important to only keep a supportive network around you. The support circle helps you stop feeling guilty over working. Hopefully, your partner will be on your side.
- Cut off people that only try to put you down and disapprove of your work. This includes your contacts, people you follow online & social media and the social groups you are in.
- Don’t be apologetic as you have every right to protect your mental space from negativity.
- Only keep close like-minded and supportive people that will assist you in your career journey.
- Find a support group of other working women and you will feel great to learn you are not alone despite these challenges.
- Also, talk to your therapist if you are feeling overwhelmed.
Read: Why you Should Ask your Family and Friends for Help in Childcare
4. Learn and Improve Every Day
Last but least, life is a learning journey. You evolved from who you were to a working married mom. You cant feel guilt over this. You then need to equip yourself on how to adjust to these changes. You should not harbor guilt feelings but should evolve and let go.
Every day is a learning day. There is so much you can learn and improve daily to become a better working mom. By doing so , you build confidence in your work and yourself by doing the following;
- Do not be rigid on one routine, approach and schedule but open yourself up to learning and trying out new things.
- Read books on parenthood and attend parenting workshops and training among others.
- As you invest in your career through courses and other training, invest in your family relationship too.
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